No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
