Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
