I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
