My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
