Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
