I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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