I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
