Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
