I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
