i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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