listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
