I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
