if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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