Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
