I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
