this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
