alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
false alarm, still single
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
