Do you still have your period?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
