Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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