How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
