When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
