My friends, they love my intelligence
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
