You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
