I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
