I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
