i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
