I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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