I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
