She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
