We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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