i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
