But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
