I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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