i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
