I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
