Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
