i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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