sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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