it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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