did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
