I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
this hospital has no fireball
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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