yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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