My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
