just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
