I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
