peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
