goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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