dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
