Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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