There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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