Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
