Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
