Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
