ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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