I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
